Back to normality

These last two weeks have had life take over a bit, but now it’s all over I’m keen to get back running. It probably does a good job of keeping me sane (or semi sane ;-) )

Even after just two runs last week (5 miles and 11.6 miles) I’m still on target to get 2015km or 1252 miles this year.

I’ll do wha I had planned last week, this week, 4-5 miles, 6 miles, 13.1 miles. Then when I’m at home this weekend I’ll redo my plan below based on what I’ve done far. 3-4 runs a week.

I got a good sleep last night and today I’m travelling up to wick to see some friends and family. I’m hoping my trainers are dry from yesterday when they got soaked running in Inverness!

My two (runner) brothers will be up in wick, so hopefully I’ll get a run or two in with them over the next few days.

Here’s a loose plan for me for the next few weeks:

Sun: travel to wick (rest)
Mon: 5 mile run
Tue: 13.1M run
Wed: travel to Glasgow (rest)
Thu: rest
Fri: 8 mile run
Sat: rest (or gym)
Sun: rest – Christmas shopping?!
Mon: 5 mile run
Tue: 7 mile run
Wed: travel to Inverness?
Thu: 10 mile run
Fri: Rest
Sat: 5 mile run (or gym)
Sun: Travel back to Glasgow (rest)
Mon: 5 mile run

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Life taking over…

In the last week, life (or death should I say) has taken over. Last Wednesday I managed 17 miles, then the next day I forced myself out for a 6 miler before the day started. I had a feeling I would have much time for running, and I was right.

I managed to fit a wee 5 miler in on Tuesday before a massage, but other than that I’ve just been buzzing about sorting things.

I was made the joint executor on my mums will so I got busy doing the things that needed to be done – sorting her funeral the way she would have wanted, the lawyers, going to her house to start clearing it. It possibly didn’t sound like much, but it was all new to me and each but took quite a bit of effort and thought.

So I made that the important bit of my life for a bit, and worked to make it all happen. And for some strange reason it all seemed to go so very smoothly indeed.

I wasn’t sleeping well, I’d get to sleep but would then wake up 5 hours later – ping! Wide awake – what will I do now? I knew I needed sleep, but I was getting by on 5 hours on average (and being very productive in my waking hours).

As well as the tasks that needed to be done, I needed to come to terms with my thoughts and emotions, and I needed to take care of myself too. Friday was quite a tough day where I read some writings of done when I was younger – that reminded me of a lot from when I was young.

It’s all so very much in the past now, but it reminded me why I removed her from my life about 8 years ago. And it helped me to make a few decisions that were right for me. I would do my granny proud and do what was right for me.

I’ve reached out to my much twice since she left, and I’ve said goodbye three times. I know what I’m doing is right for me.

I’d actually decided that I wouldn’t go to the funeral a long long time ago, but it took Friday for me to realise that I was doing the right thing for me. And the rainbow at 3pm driving along the M74 (after doing lots and lots that day) confirmed that to me.

At the weekend we started clearing the house – and in a blocked off cupboard I found this Christmas present for me, from my mum, from I don’t know how many years ago. I’ll keep that for Christmas day and see what it is.

I guess this last week has maybe made me realise and remember a few things, like some of the good traits she had that now follow through into me. But the bad memories seem to overtake any of the good. 

Then on Tuesday I saw a total of 9 rainbows and got sent one in a message too. I seemed to drive through one on the M8. It is if course, the time of the year (low sun / rain clouds) but they sure did help me and make me smile.

Now I’ve taken myself away to Inverness (like I used to when I was a teenager, when times in the house were bad) and I’m spending time with those who helped me grow up. Who love me and care about me. I’m maybe going to do a long run tomorrow morning, 22 miles seems apt, but we’ll see.

I mentioned many peoples well wishes and I’m really grateful for them all. So many people were messaging me, cards, hugging me, being there for me. Sending me pictures of rainbows.

I even got a lovely book through the post (from someone lovely that I’ve run with a handful of times). I’ve never felt this before, but it really did make me feel strong – like I could do anything. Super lorn indeed!

I leave you with some words that really rang true with me, from my aunts funeral:

She has now found peace.
And may we also find peace, as we let her go.
Hold onto the things that in here were good, and lovely and true.
And if there are things to leave in the past, let’s leave them there.

And finally, did you notice it was a full moon on Wednesday?

This popped up on my newsfeed on Facebook, I hadn’t even gone looking for it. It came up the day after I’d completed my last task, and registered the death. About the full moon on November 24th…

the moon in November

this year is called a ‘Beaver Moon’ or a ‘Mourning Moon’.

This is a time of washing away the baggage of the past and letting it go. Once you’ve done that, you’ll be able to focus on the joys of the future. During the Mourning Moon phase, say goodbye to bad habits and toxic relationships, and get a fresh start for the new year. Work on developing and strengthening your connection with Deity.

A bit freaky, but very poignant.

All very much coincidence, but a coincidence that works for me. Now I feel an odd sense of relief and after just over a week, I plan to take my life back (and spend time with those I love and like).

Now that I’ve done my part I feel an odd sense of relief and I just want to get back to life as it was. I’ll take the time I need to get there.

Thanks for all the rainbows, and messages of support, they helped more than you’ll ever know X I’m sure it was you and your support and words that helped this all fall into place. X

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Almost there…

The last week has been a challenge… my sleep has been affected, and then so has everything else been. But then I managed to get a lot done and for some reason felt very strong most of the time.

I got lots of messages of support, and well wishes, which I think helped me to feel like I could do and sort anything. So thanks to everyone who sent me messages, cards, rainbows, Disney birds and forest animals.

As you can see from above, my sleep was bad, sometimes I was getting to sleep ok, but then 4-5 hours later I was wide awake and not able to get back to sleep.

Most of my ‘tasks’ that I needed to get done, are done, and now I have just one thing to do today. I took care of myself yesterday, a massage at lunchtime which immediately made me feel tired, then a good chat with s friend in the afternoon before getting some things done at night.

I got nearly 9 hours sleep, so I feel like I’m back on track to taking care of myself. I did see about 8 or 9 rainbows yesterday, so I should have known it was all on the up.

This morning, to set me up for the day, I went an easy 5 mile run. I wasn’t looking at my heart rate on my watch, but it turned out to avg 150 which is spot on. The run seemed to go on for ever. A dog barked at me and chased me, but he didn’t get me. ;-)

My tunes have been helping me be strong too.

Thanks again for all the good wishes, they really have helped me be strong and get through. X

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Super Dog made me smile

I got this card today which made me smile. :-)

Thanks Emmet (you know who you are). 

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

It’s all going to be ok

I’m not sure how to start this, or what to write, but on Tuesday I found out that my Mum, my real Mum, had passed away.

It was a bit of a shock, and one I wasn’t ready for. But I’ve taken it all in and digested it, and now I know what to do.

Anyone that knows me well, or remembers this post from March 2015, will know that our relationship wasn’t the best.

I won’t go into it in detail on here, but it’s safe to say that we had our struggles, pain and stress. I tried to reach out once I was grown up, but it didn’t work out.

I always deal with death by remembering the good, the fun, the happiness – but in this case it’s hard to remember (as the good times happened when I was so young).

This photo perhaps says it all a me happy as Larry, and my mum looking as if I’d just messed on her lap. ;-)

I know there were good times, and I know that I am who I am today because of my mum and my dad, but it’s hard to know what to feel. I know for sure that she helped me to become independent and strong, and now I’m taking that forward into the next few weeks.

On Wednesday, after I’d sorted a few things that needed sorted, I went for a long run before the daylight came to a close. I planned to run 13 miles, but ended up running 17 miles. 1 mile for every year she was in my life.

I took about 8-9 miles to get into it. My heart rate was high, and I was teary and crying at points. As the run went on, my jumbled up thoughts started to align and make sense. And by mile 13 I was feeling good, strong and confident. My tunes came on and the endorphins pumped, and I suddenly felt super strong. It was just what I needed.

It turned out to be a bit of an opposite to my first 17 years, a good early childhood, with bad to worse teenage years, whereas the run was tough at the start then it got easier and I got really strong towards the end, as the daylight faded into night time. 

The day ended with my eyes sore from crying. But I did something I always do when something like this happens. I reached out to those I love. My brother, my Dad, Fit Girl and a network of good life long friends I’ve set up to help me cope. To help me be happy. To help me sort out my thoughts.

It’s amazing what a long run can do for you to help you sort yourself out and help you to feel much better. And do you know what’s even more amazing? That I have so many good friends who know me so well, and know just the right thing to say to help guide me in the right direction. (Thank you to those who know who you are). 

Today was better, I put my cape on, and for some reason, I feel like there are some super powers building up inside me. No blame, no pain, no stress, no worry – bit by bit, just whatever needed done. 

I took some time out to myself, making sure I was taking care of myself and arranging a few more things. I ran with my Twinnie and she stopped and gave me a hug mid run. I got a hug at work and some fun and cuddles from my good friend and her two young kids. All of which I was ver grateful for. 

I’ve learned to lean on others and get help from them to push me in the right direction. Words, phrases, things to make me think twice. 

I guess I learned what to do from when my granny died in 2001, and in the storm around when my aunt died last year, where I was right there for her, remembering her well.

The tears are gone now, and I’m getting stuff done. I have a day full of appointments on Friday and I’m going to do the right things or her, and for me.
Over the years, I’d chosen to remove my Mum from my life, and I’d always defiantly said I wouldn’t go to her funeral. But you know what – some things are more important than others and I’m going to do what’s right for me, and go. Be there for my brother and see out her wishes.

It was all cloud and rain yesterday, but today the first thing that greeted me was this rainbow (my Granny shining down), then some sun later on. It’s all going to be ok.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Wk45 into Wk46

On Friday last week, someone asked me what I was doing this weekend. I said, probably sleep lots, run a bit, drink coffee and eat. And that’s what I did.

I blamed the rain on me planning on sleeping so much, but in actual fact, I just think I need it. Look at this: Fri pm: 2hr nap plus 9hrs sleep
Sat: 11:30hrs sleep
Sun: 9:30isb hrs sleep, plus 2hr nap!

That’s like 11:30 hours a night more or less.

I had a bit of a short sleep on Tuesday night, and I don’t know, I just feel like I need the sleep. I feel pretty damn good now, and ready to start my week.

Here’s what I did last week, exercise wise.

Mon: 4M Run coaching
Tue: Rest
Wed: Rest
Thu: 7.3M run
Fri: Rest
Sat: 11.2M run
Sun: Rest

Just three runs totalling just over 22 miles. Still on plan and ahead of target to meet my 2015km goal by the end of the year.

But I didn’t manage to fit in strength last week (I was sore til about wed or thu after my strength session last Saturday), so I’ll do my next one on Monday and Saturday again.

Here’s what I’ll do next week, 3 runs, 2 rest, 2 strength. All done in the morning, before 8am, except on Saturday:

Mon: AM Squat Strength
Tue: AM 4M run
Wed: Rest
Thu: AM 12M run
Fri: AM 6M run
Sat: Deadlift Strength
Sun: Rest

Here’s the strength I’ll do on Monday:

And here’s the strength I’ll do on Saturday:

With an option of a Kettlebell workout if I fancy it:

All full body workouts, and hopefully I’ll be less sore this week after I do it. :-) let’s see if I can motivate myself to do each session – I certainly have had enough rest and sleep this week to allow it.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

2015km in 2015…

This morning on my run with my work Twinnie, I was saying that I felt like I was struggling a bit to get motivated to get out of bed and run, now that winter has started.

I ran on Monday night, and had a long day and night and work them college on Tuesday, then I managed to get out of bed this morning to meet her for a run (but I’m not sure I would have got up early to do s run if I hadn’t arranged to meet her).

I don’t know what it is, maybe the change to winter, the darkness, the weather, being a bit sore from strength training… there are so many little excuses my mind can come up with to make me shift away from my weekly plan.

My twinnie reminded me that I was up and out this morning, and that I do a lot compared to others, so I shouldn’t beat myself up about it (or feel guilty). I maybe don’t feel guilty when missing a run, but I do wish I could just get out and stick to a plan.

Then again, I also know how important rest is, and I know that sometimes life and work takes over – and that’s fine. It’s good to be flexible and listen to your body. And as long as I get to do my runs and training, at least to some sort of minimal amount, then I’m happy.

Tonight I was checking out my Garmin stats and I noticed that I’ve run 1,103 miles so far this year. 45 weeks into the year, and I’ve run on average 24.5 miles per week. I’ve run nearly 100 miles more this year so far, than last years end total!

In fact, this year 2015 is looking like it’s going to be my second highest mileage year in 6 years since I got my Garmin. If I keep up my running, I could easily hit the mileage target I set at the start of this year which was:

1,252 miles (2015km) in 2015

All I need to do is run an average of 21.5 miles or more, per week for the rest of the year – and I’ll achieve my goal. And I’ll be just 100 miles off my highest mileage year in 2011 (the year I did my first official marathon).

So, I thought to motivate me to get out and run (without any race for me until early spring 2016), I’d do a wee training plan for running to go by. Here it is:

The columns on the right show, the % of weeks we are through the year, we’re 45 weeks into the year (87%), and I’ve run 1,103 miles so far (90% of my target).

3 runs a week with the option of a 4th one if I fancy it. :-) I’ll do one long run, and a couple of shorter easy runs (maybe a bit of speedwork if I fancy it). I’ll stick my plan somewhere where I can see it, to motivate me to get out and about running.

Strength is another story – I’m still going to do it, however after my first strength workout in Saturday, I was sore to about Tuesday or Wednesday. So I’m going to build up to 2 strength workouts a week, one at the weekend and one midweek.

Let’s see if this can get me motivated as the storms, cold and darkness of winter kicks in.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment