This post might seem a bit odd to people who know me, as I’m known usually as being so up and enthusiastic, so positive and optimistic. But sometimes you can’t control things that happen in life and it can be tough. Hard to get your head around things you can’t control and things you don’t want to happen.
Of course a good way to deal with it is to be strong and accept what’s happening, get through it, be nice to yourself, and lean on others for support. But it’s easier said than done and it can be a journey to accepting it and moving on.
Anger, anxiety, negativity, sadness they’re all normal emotions or feelings that happen from time to time, but it’s how we treat them or deal with them that can make a difference to how we are and how we feel.
In the last month or so I’ve experienced all of them. I’ve been really angry, really upset, trying to deal with stuff and feeling sad and lost. And all of that has been transferring into negative thoughts and sadness. I’m in a better place now, but it took some time, talking, listening and thinking to get here.
I even had my first panic attack of all things … a physical reaction to what was going on. My body and mind probably thinking there was a modern version of a bear or lion chasing me. But there wasn’t, and it was then that I realised its how you deal with these things that can make the difference.
When the panic attack struck, I realised what was happening and easily brought myself back down. I didn’t let it escalate but relaxed and told myself there was no big bear or lion chasing me. It was just a natural reaction to the situation I had found myself in. It was the story I was telling myself.
Another physical reaction to it all, was feeling sick, through what I didn’t recognise at the time, but what was probably anxiety. ‘I don’t get anxious’ I’d think to myself. But my body would prove otherwise by making me feel sick and stopping me from wanting to eat.
I soon sorted that out by stopping drinking caffeine (to reduce anxiety) and realising that there was no point in being anxious. When my body stopped me from eating I knew there was something not right happening. I’m back eating everything in sight when I can, so that’s all fine again.
Letting these emotions take over could lead to depression, helplessness, sadness, even suicidal thoughts (don’t worry, I didn’t have these). But why let them in? Why do this to yourself? Why let them make you miserable?
Now instead of letting these emotions and feelings take a hold of me, I’m recognising them, acknowledging and accepting that they’re there and not letting them take over.
It’s not worth it. Instead I’m being kind to myself and deciding how to react instead, and reaching out to those who I know can help me. I’m accepting things and letting them go. And making sure I look after myself.
I can change my mindset and look at the bigger picture and remember that these are just thoughts, my brain processing what’s happening. These destructive thoughts and feelings don’t help, but they are necessary and they are happening for a reason. But crucially it’s important I don’t let them get to me – that I don’t let them make me ill.
Now I can tell you about my best friend. She’s the most laid back and lovely person you’ll ever meet she’s so laid back she’s almost horizontal.
She maybe got it from her upbringing or her genes… but she’s such and inspiration in how she deals with life. Nothing ever phases her and as a result she’s a great friend, a great Mum, and very successful in every way. Life is good when she’s around.
She’s an example of someone who doesn’t let all of these things get to her. I’ve known her nearly all my life and I don’t think I’ve ever seen her angry or upset. There’s no point (although sometimes they do help).
Life is too short to let these things take over. Anger, anxiety, hatred, negativity … they’re part of life, but they’re not always not good for you. Your time would be much better spent being grateful for what you have and enjoying it when you can.
Grief and loss are also parts of life, and it can be a journey to go through them, so it’s important to be kind to yourself and not let it ruin your life. Do things that make you happy, visit people you like and love.
There is room for these other emotions, they’re a natural part of life, but you don’t need to let them get to you. Notice them then ask yourself why you’re feeling them and how you can diffuse them and get on with life.
Cry if you want to … it’s ok not to be ok … but notice when it’s happening, and learn how to not let it affect you adversely if you can.
Be kind to yourself, take time out, spend time with loved ones and kids, go on holiday, do something amazing or something small. Make time to enjoy life. Reach out and ask for help, look for the sunshine and rainbows. The storm will clear.
I’m reading the Happiness Trap by Russ Harris just now, and another book I’d recommend is How to take charge of your life, The users guide to NLP by Richard Bandler. A couple of good books which might help you to change the way you think for a happier life.
This TED talk is a good listen / read too:
The gift and power of emotional courage
http://t.ted.com/HcclvSa (the article).
Now stop and smile, because you are amazing and life can be good, if you let it be.
You don’t need to let life beat you up, you can change the way you think so that you thrive and enjoy it again. I’m nearly there and soon I’ll be back and having fun again.