I can’t help thinking after the blip and massive personal challenge that was November 2015 – November 2017, now somehow all of my efforts and hard work if getting through that time, is reaping rewards in my life. Out of the darkness, gratefully into sunshine and growth.
I’m talking about me spending two years of my life dealing with the passing of my Mum and the waves of things I never ever imagined I’d need to deal with. The emotions and toughness of it all, sometimes I wondered if I was strong enough to deal with it. But I was. I got through it and out the other side.
My Mum’s death, my character and my sense of duty put me in a challenging or dark place. I was always striving to get out of it, but was fully in the knowledge that I had no real control over it. It would take as long as it would take, and my brother and I both knew, no matter what we did, we had no real control over it.
When I got the phone call from my him back in November 2015 telling me she’d passed away, it hit me like a car crash, but I knew I had to help and be there. It’s who I am, and I wouldn’t have changed what I did for anything – even though it was tough.
I often refer to life a bit like the weather – sunshine, storms, rainbows… well over those 2 years, it poured some days, some days it cleared and was sunny, then it rained or poured again. It was tough. But of course the odd rainbow popped up when it was just the right mix of rain and sunshine.
With many things outside my control, It was relentless and dragged on for what seemed like an eternity, before finally all being over in a snap, as quickly as it all appeared. It was painfully dragged out by an extra week, something I’ll never forget, but in November last year it was finally over.
(This storm actually came over Glasgow and passed, the day it was all over).
Now after all that, life has quickly turned into being really great. With the estate off mine and my brothers shoulders finally… and then I got this new role at work in December and started it in January. Three months in I feel like I’m in a great position, and receiving really positive feedback from different people I’m working with.
Yesterday two people used the word ‘efficient’ to describe me… (yahoo, that’s what I like to hear) and I got the nicest email from someone, copying in my boss, and truly making me feel great when I read it. I think that’s happened every month since I started now. It’s great to feel appreciated, and to be able to be doing a good job.
I’m able to make a difference with many people, and I’m able to play on my strengths. I’m lucky enough to be in a crucial role, at the heart of the Newsroom at BBC Scotland. It’s magic. I was siting at my desk the other day (my legs sore and recovering from the marathon), and I distinctly said to myself – I really like this job. 🙂 Magic indeed.
All of this feels very much like that ‘comeuppance’ I remember my Mum threatened me with when I was 14 or 15 and our lives were going pear shaped through my teenage years. Only somehow now it’s a positive comeuppance, and not the one she threatened me with.
Or maybe it’s just life and fate giving me a break and rewarding me with growth and opportunity for getting through the tough times and darkness. She’s gone, and I’m rising above it all and hopefully back to growing upwards or in the right direction now.
My best friend recently gave me this card, saying well done on getting my new job. And I liked it so much I put it in a frame and it’s in our livingroom. Rainbows and stars, two of my favourite things (she knows me well). And by the way, it’s her birthday today – Happy Birthday if you read this (you know who you are).
A wee framed reminder for me everyday to remember my best friend, this magic and fortunate time for me, and to remember that after the storm clears, white cloud, rainbows and sunshine can appear.