Ping! 2:36am and I’m wide awake.
I’m lying here in the dark, wide awake, thoughts wandering.
How did this happen then?
Why am I wide awake?
It’s got to have been the try out coffee I had at 9pm.
Everyone knows I’m not meant to drink coffee after 3pm.
Or maybe it’s because I didn’t exercise yesterday?
I didn’t tire myself out enough?
But here I am, lying wide awake and it’s 2:36am.
What should I do now?
I move a little in bed to get more comfy.
And I clearly disturb Fit Girl by mistake, as she sighs loudly in her sleep and stirs.
Mmmm… What shall I do now?
2:36am: Too early to get up, but how can I get back to sleep? I don’t want to stimulate my brain to keep me awake.
I mustn’t. I want to get back to sleep.
What’s worked before? I ask myself.
Thinking of nice things or times usually works.
I roll over, get comfy, close my eyes and try and think of happy times.
Then my mind wanders again.
What am I doing when I get up?
Going for a run if I can force myself out of bed.
Right, that’s what I’ll do. Alarm is set for 6:06am.
I’ve had four and a half hours sleep so far.
If I get to sleep now it’ll add up to about seven and a half hours sleep. I can do this.
Right Lorn: Go to sleep.
Stop looking at the time and go to sleep. Now.
I wonder what route I’ll run when I get up tomorrow morning?
I visualise it… Over the Squinty Bridge to Glasgow Green.
Up to George Sq, St Vincent St, Finneston, Hydro, Transport Museum, back home.
I wonder if it’ll be raining? It probably will be.
What will I wear? Stop. Stop these stupid, needless thoughts!
Get back to sleep. You’ve got work in the morning!
And you’re meant to be getting up for a run before it!
Think nice, happy thoughts.
It’s dark. I’m wide awake. What will help me sleep?
I get up. I don’t want to get up, but it might help. It’s worked in the past.
I know I shouldn’t go on the computer or iPad, or iPhone.
So I don’t. I go to the kitchen and get a drink of water.
Nice cold water. It usually works.
It’s 2:56am. If I manage to get back to bed and back to sleep,
I can still get about seven hours sleep,
I can still get up when I planned to and go for my run.
Careful not to wake the whole house up, I go back to bed.
With the lights off, on my way back to bed I of course,
Knock something and make a loud noise. Damn it!
Fit Girl stirs. Shit shit shit! I’m crap at this.
Why am I up at this time again?
I sneak as quietly as I can, back into bed. It’s dark and my bed is cold.
Don’t look at the time again. Just go to sleep.
Stop thinking. Stop worrying. Stop wondering. Just go to sleep.
My wandering thoughts return.
I try to stop them and think about some good times again instead. It usually helps.
Thoughts of our holiday to San Francisco,
Memories of me and Fit Girl doing stuff together
Or me and Jackie running together through the deepest darkest Forrest.
My thoughts turn to Jackie.
She’ll be getting up just now for her work, or maybe she’ll even be there?
When does she start work again? She’s such a good friend.
I smile, then I remember: stop thinking and get back to sleep.
I think of happy times again.
I think to myself, I really should have more of my happy memories to hand.
Stop the thoughts, remember the good memories.
I’m relaxed, happy and settled…. zzzzzzzz.
– – – – – –
6:06am! The alarm goes off.
I’m tired, groggy and feeling very sleepy.
Ah! I think to myself, I must have got back to sleep! Result!
My thoughts turn to my promise to myself to get up and go for a run.
I have two choices: lie here and get another comfy hour of brilliant and needed sleep.
Or get up, half asleep and go out for a run in the cold, dark and rain?
I lie here with my mind fighting with itself.
I’m trying to give myself the permission to lie in because I missed some sleep.
But then, if I get up and run as planned, I know I’ll feel great after it.
But I feel great now, in my nice warm, big bed…
It’s dark, and cosy in here. And it’s cold dark and wet outside.
I could just stay here and get another hours sleep
But you said you’d get up for a run Lorn!
You’ll feel much better after it,
And it’ll help you sleep better the next night,
Better than you did last night!
I get up. I force the top half of my body to become vertical,
And thump my feet on the floor. Eyes half shut,
I get dressed in my running gear.
It’s dark, it’s cold, I’m tired, but I’m getting up for my run.
Which would you do?
Go back to sleep, or go for a run?
And how do you get back to sleep once the ‘Ping!’ happens?
– – – – – –
Of course I did get up and I did go on the iPad.
It’s now 3:26am. I got up, drunk my water and wrote this blog.
I sat in the light and wrote this blog to take my mind off worrying about getting to sleep.
Now I’m back off to bed where hopefully I can catch some more sleep.
I’m back off to my warm bed,
To think of happy times, and get back to sleep.
And hopefully I’ll be able to get up and go for my run when the alarm goes off at 6:06am!
Better get back to bed now before tomorrow comes!